


The Looking-Glass

by miniaturemice



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: I remember writing this!, birthday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-21
Updated: 2012-06-21
Packaged: 2017-11-08 05:59:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/439923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miniaturemice/pseuds/miniaturemice





	The Looking-Glass

_ Summer of 1967,22 July: _

_It's my fifteenth birthday._

That's what I think when I roll out from under Soda's arm. I lay there, closing my eyes.

I'm fifteen today. I don't feel any different truthfully. I don't feel any better, any worse. I feel the same as always. Like me. But who am I? It sounds like one of those bad essay questions the teacher always assigns at the start of the term. It's the kind of questions Darry likes to answer, straight to the point-

" _Darrel Curtis Jr."_

It's the kind Soda ah and uh-s at while the girls giggle.

" _Well, what do_ **you**   _think my name is?"_

It's the kind that made Steve's lips curl-

" _Last time I checked, it was Steve Randle."_

and the ones where Two-Bit puts it straight out, even more so than Darry-

" _Exotic dancer. And I'm not ashamed of it."_

It's the kind Johnny wasn't ever able to answer -

" _Uh, I'm Johnny Cade and uh..."_

and the one that made Dally look pissed.

" _What are you? My freaking shrink?"_

It's the kind I take forever to think it out. 'Cause somedays I just don't want to wake up and remember I'm Ponyboy Curtis. I don't want to wake up and remember the people who ain't here today. The people who won't ever be here again. The people who won't get the chance to answer those dumb questions.

If I could be someone else, can I be someone who wasn't a greaser? Maybe be someone in somewhere where there ain't greasers and socs like Johnny said? No hippies and nobody to tell me what to do and think.

Everyone would be there with me. Darry wouldn't ever have to worry about money 'cause mum and dad were still there and he got to go college. And Soda was still in school with Steve. Johnny was still here with Dallas, smoking those Kools.

I feel Soda move a little and I shut my eyes a little harder. I don't want him to know I'm up yet. I feel his hand ruffle my hair a little and then the soft creak of the bed as he gets up to go shower. The door clicks shut and I let my eyes open .

_I'm fifteen,_ I repeated again. I didn't feel any better. I didn't feel any worse.

I opened the drawer beside me and pulled out the crinkled note that Johnny gave me for the last time.

Johnny won't ever turn another year older again, you know. Nor will Dally.

That's when I feel slightly sick to the stomach. But it's okay because I let it go and try think of something else.

The door opened then and I jumped slightly. Soda jumped in with Darry behind him, carrying a big chocolate cake.

Two-Bit and Steve came in too. They were both grinning.

"Happy birthday, Pony!"

Darry smiled while Soda screamed it out. But it's a good scream and I can't help but grin too.

They sing happy birthday, Two-Bit substituting the words with dirty names. But he means it well and I don't mind even as Darry swats him. Steve smiled and sang along partway too, which definitely surprised me.

So when they set the cake down on the bed , I let go of the note clenched in my hand. It floats down to the floor. Where I forget it until night when l I roll back in bed and see it. That's when I cry but softly. Because I was just pretending to be okay that Johnny won't ever have another birthday. I read somewhere that in the looking-glass, most things aren't really true.

I looked up,into the looking-glass. It's a little cracked on its side and it hangs so loosely on the wall that I make a mental note to remind Darry that it's about to fall and crash.

Except too late,as I looked into it,it wobbled slightly and like a bad movie,falls down.

It crashed down and I jerked away from broken shards.

The door opened and Darry comes in,only to jump to avoid the pieces.

"I'll get a broom," he said,frowning. "You okay,Pony?"

"Yeah," I told him but I wasn't.

He left the room and I leaned forward to see the broken pieces again.I can't see much of myself in it.

In the looking-glass,most things aren't true.


End file.
